Friday, 21 October 2016

Feeling Deeply

Some days your emotion becomes too big to comprehend. You feel things that you don't know how to explain to another person. It comes in cycles. You have a strong understanding of why the heart is associated with love and with pain, because that is the area in where the deepest of emotion pits. Knots. Heaviness. Energy. Inspiration. Gratitude. All depending on the day.

The low days bring a dullness to your world, colours are a little less vibrant & your view narrows into tunnel like focus The thought of everyday tasks deplete your energy & there's a part of you that just wants to curl up underneath the covers & stay there until the dullness subsides. Your dedication to the people around you allow you to carry on, but not at your top performance, you know it. But it doesn't really matter. Gravity tugs at your heart. Sadness. Sometimes too sad to cry. Fatigue. Things you usually love to do lose your interest. It's hard to understand where this lull is coming from, let alone trying to explain it to someone who won't understand. You don't want to be a burden to your loved ones, & feel less than worthy of it anyway, so you keep it inside & carry on. 

Anxious thoughts, feelings, knots sometimes accompany. Tension rises & it frustrates you to not know where it comes from. Headaches. You make up scenarios of the 'what ifs,' they suck up your energy. These don't come on very often so the feelings are foreign to you when they do. They disrupt your motion, just in trying to figure them out. Worry. Thoughts of bad things happening to the people you love. 

Eventually the feelings fade & normalness comes back. Refocus. All the things you should be feeling, good & bad days, laughter & frustration, fear, motivation...every day motions. Balance. You work harder, play harder. Your feel like normal real person again, validated. You look forward to your days, & have a general appreciation for your life, your people. Aspirations reappear, motivation, goals. Proud for your accomplishments. Organization, picking up the pieces neglected & the feeling of wholeness comes back. Life is good.

Then a more vibrant energy encompasses your heart & you start feeling more energized. It comes in spurts, even within a day, but it's a feeling you cannot ignore, distracting. Creativity flows in, in waves. You become aware of the beauty of your surroundings, inhale. Overzealous feelings of gratitude. You want to share the love & gratitude you have for the people in your life, but a little afraid of how that might look, knowing that these feelings are so strong & will come & go. You feel an immense appreciation for the things you have in life, but new wants come on strong -- new experiences, stronger connections. Aspirations. Inspiration. Ideas & ideas flow in so quickly you cannot keep track, the possibilities are endless! Your heart opens & you allow it to feel fully. To feel the pain of others who ache, tears for past loves you have had to let go & wanting so badly to reconnect. You find it difficult to focus on mundane tasks of life, you want more to fill this yearning. You know this feeling will pass, so you hold fast while it lasts, experience it, not wanting to let it go.

You don't really know what this is or if it is anything at all, but you do know that not everyone feels these things to this extent. You can tell those that thrive on a much more simple level. There are days you wish you were more like them. But you know the highs wouldn't be there if it weren't for the lows. Creativity cannot be without lulls. You trust, however, that there are others out there that do feel this way, others who may understand what you feel. You don't talk much about it, afraid of being labeled crazy, weird, different. You've let only the closest in, they sometimes don't understand & it doesn't always help, sometimes it does. But you know it helps to know others experience what you do & you think there is more to this than people lead on. So you consider taking a chance & putting yourself out there, I hope that it may be helpful to someone else like you. You fear that they will look at you differently. Judgement. Rejection. Nervous, but you decide to accept yourself for the whole person you are, the real human emotions you feel, the beautiful creation that you embody. Breathe in. And press publish.




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